Thursday, January 14, 2010

Secret Service

The Secret Service is recruiting. In Sacramento. over the radio.

Does Obama know?

Have you heard the ad? It's like "Do you look good in black sunglasses? Do you own a black blazer? Can you hold you hand up to your ear?

How do they decide where to do their recruiting? Is Sacramento really secretive or something?


Sorry, pandas

Did you know that there's a bamboo shortage in China?
what? you don't know that?
well, there is. And pandas are dying off because they eat bamboo, and there's not enough for them.
last week my mom got a chair mat for her office, you know, so her rolly chair can glide on the carpet? well, it's made of bamboo.
that's kind of fucked up, isn't it?

sorry, pandas.

sorry you're starving, but my mom doesn't want wheel marks on her carpet.

but you know what, pandas? how about you try not being so picky? you live in CHINA for God's sake, and Chinese food is freaking awesome.

Your buddy over at Panda Express looks like he's doing alright...


Am I the only one who doesn't have time for the air hand-dryer? Or realizes that I can just wave my hands while I walk out?

Going to the bathroom at work is bad, too. You can't make ANY noise - those people know you. I bring decoy shoes if I know I'm going to have a bad time in there.

don't you feel like everyone is against you when you have to go #2 at work? you go in, and it's quiet, no one's there. but as soon as you get started, people start coming in. You're like, 'it's ok, I can hold it for a minute.' but then they take FOREVER. maybe they're waiting for YOU to leave...I don't know. but then they get out of the stall, you're like "thank God!" then they wash their hands for like 12 minutes, while every one of your muscles is clinched. Then they decide to wipe down the counter..that's nice. then brush their teeth. then re-grout the sink...and of course THEY use the freaking air dryer, cause THEY have all the time in the world!

Hopefully you're laughing, because that means I'm not the only person who goes through this...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Mobile mammograms

I heard on the radio that Kaiser started this new program, to help prevent cancer - mobile mammograms. It's this bus that goes around so women can get their mammograms more easily. I call it "feels on wheels."
I don't think I'd really like to do that thought, it'd be kind of weird, like getting felt up in a parking lot, which I can totally do without paying a co-pay.