Politically correct calendars

I don't like how you have to be all nervous about saying "Merry Christmas," because you don't know if someone celebrates some other holiday, and will be offended.

I don't even say "Happy New Year" anymore...'cause I don't know if someone uses the Julian calendar while my insensitive ass goes by the Gregorian calendar.

Gregorian calendar, adopted by England and its colonies after Washington was born, his birth date was February 22, 1732. (The Julian calendar has him born on February 11.)

Vaccines/autism

I just got my dog vaccinated! the good news is he won't get rabies. the bad news is I think he might have autism.

Or

I got a citation the other day, because my dog doesn't have a rabies tag. That's not fair. I shouldn't have to get my dog vaccinated for rabies - I don't want him to get autism!

Popped Cherry/funny boss

My best friend and I like to have a game night every week...play board games, keep it old school...it's a lot of fun.
Well last week I had to bring my son with me, he's 4, so we had to think of a game that he could play too. My friend suggested a game, she said "Oh, I know a good game...what's it called? It's like for counting, kids really like it...'Who Popped My Cherry?"
I was like, "WHAT?!? Do you mean "Hi Ho Cheerio"?
Where do you buy your board games, Meghan?
Does that come in a bundle with Poop Chutes & Ladders and Connect 4-Play?

My son isn't coming over anymore.

But my friend, she's silly like that, she kind of mixes up phrases and stuff.
And, my boss is actually the same way, it's kind of weird.

Like, once she said "Let's not beat down the bushes."
I THINK that means "don't beat around the bush," but I can never be sure with her.

And I swear, the other day, she told me "We don't want to let the worms out of the can."
uhhh...ok. I'll make sure not to do that...even though I don't know what means.

Well, I decided to introduce my boss and my friend - you know, "popped my cherry" friend (oh, that came out wrong)...well, I took my friend to our company picnic, introduced them...I was like "Go, have a....language summit."

And they've actually hit it off. They're hanging out and stuff now. They're just like two peas in a bunch.

Voting

I'm not into politics. They're just so pushy...and they can be offensive with their ads and stuff. Like the other day, I saw a campaign sign that said "Vote, Gaylord."

Sober driver/shake a baby

There's a new campaign out, aimed at us drinkers. You've probably seen the older one: Designate a Driver. Well, they've updated it. Now, it's "Designate a Sober Driver."

Really?

Were the people who actually took the time to designate a driver NOT taking that extra step to make sure the driver they chose was sober?

That logic is kind of crazy, you know, where they have to specify that the driver be sober.

But I'm starting to see it in other places, too.

Like at my son's preschool, there's a sticker that says: "Never shake a baby. Ever."

Do you think the first sticker said "Don't shake your baby."

So someone gave their baby to someone else to shake. and the sticker company was like "Dammit! Now we have to re-make the sticker!"

So they came up with "Don't shake A baby."

Was someone like, "'Don't shake a baby"...Oh, it's probably ok to do it once or twice."

So now they're at "Never shake a baby. Ever."

But you know what? it won't be long before some asshole comes along, reads the sticker and says "I'm gonna' shake TWO babies."

Iced Tea

On a lighter note, did you know that no one actually likes iced tea?

Iced tea is just a conduit - an excuse - to taste flavors you actually like. SUGAR...Mango...lemon...strawberry kiwi.

And if you disagree, that's fine. You're wrong, but that's fine.

And at the very least, anytime you drink iced tea, or see someone else drinking it, you'll think of me, Julie Walker.

3 year-old shooting

I lived in Stockton for a while...it's such a crappy city.

I heard that a little three year-old there who shot himself. How CRAPPY is your city, that you have toddlers committing suicide?

Whenever the media gets a hold of something like this, they try to turn it into a gun safety issue. But it's not. It's a fucking Idiot Parent issue. How hard is it to keep a gun away from a 3 year-old? Just, put it...up here. You can even load it if you want. If your kid's reach is here, then put your gun - here.