The root of all evil

Actually, estrogen is the root of all evil.

female facial hair

my facial hair has split ends. wtf do I do now?

Bras

Why is it, when you have small boobs, it's fun to shop for a bra, but when you have large boobs, it's this terrible, time-consuming, heart-wrenching experience?

Bras as accessories (for small boobs) are so cute. Like, AA-B cups.

They're different colors, with lace and all that crap.

Bras that are FUNCTIONAL, as in, there will be an incident if I do not wear a bra, are ugly.

If I don't wear a bra...

They're all beige or white or black. And, they're kept in boxes.

Girls with big boobs know what I'm talking about.

You see a cute bra, you say, "aww, that's cute..."

what's the next thing out of your mouth?

"...and, it would cover my nipple. Next."

when I finally find one with a tag that says it's the right size, it's not over.

Somehow, most bras have this power to take nice, round boobs, and fashion them into torpedos. No thank you.

I HATE fitting rooms...3 mirrors...holy hell.

So now I just make my son put a cup on his head. If it fits, I buy it.

Telling men (husbands) things

a man's head is like a woman's egg, the things we say are like sperm. most can't get in. they struggle desperately. when one finally makes it in, all the others die.

Massengill commercials

SO uncomfortable to watch

why does she make it all romantic and sexy? she's freaking douching.

I know what's going on in that upstairs bathroom.

hmmmm...I have a nice evening all to myself, what to do, what to do? I think I'll run through this field in my flowing gown, twirl around a bit, then head upstairs and flood my vagina with vinegar.

Mobile mammograms

I heard on the radio that Kaiser started this new program, to help prevent cancer - mobile mammograms. It's this bus that goes around so women can get their mammograms more easily. I call it "feels on wheels."
I don't think I'd really like to do that thought, it'd be kind of weird, like getting felt up in a parking lot, which I can totally do without paying a co-pay.